


Proud

by jonesyslug



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Fluff, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22720867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonesyslug/pseuds/jonesyslug
Summary: Eddie wants his inhaler, but something is in the way.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	Proud

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I know this isn't a Valentine's themed fic but, here it is anyway. Much love!

"I need my inhaler." Eddie wheezed. He looked on the verge of tears. His lungs felt like they were collapsing. Something inside his chest was- 

He remembered Mr. Keene squeezing the balloon. Telling him he was too tight and stiff all the time. 

_ "This has gone on long enough." _

Eddie wheezed. 

_ "Most sickness starts here."  _ And he'd pointed at his head. 

But this time it wasn't Mr. Keene between him and his inhaler. It wasn't a scary, liver spotted old man telling him his whole life was a lie. 

It was Richie. Richie looking down at him with big eyes, side stepping every time Eddie tried to take a step forward. Keeping him where he was. 

Eddie could fucking  _ see  _ the inhaler on the coffee table. It was only about 15 feet away. 

_ I'm going to die right in front of the thing that can save me.  _

" _ Please,  _ Richie!" 

"No."

Eddie let out a shaky sob. "Why?" 

"You don't need it, Eddie. You  _ know  _ you don't need it." 

Eddie looked at Richie, then back at the inhaler, and tried to step around him one more time, but Richie stopped him again. 

"Eddie." Richie said softly. 

Eddie didn't move. Richie put his hand over Eddie's heart. 

"Eddie, look at me." 

Eddie did. Richie had a very solemn look on his face. 

"Richie, I can't breathe." 

"I'm going to stay with you until you can, okay?" 

Eddie nodded. He wrapped his hand around Richie's wrist. He could feel it on his chest, rising and falling. He  _ was  _ breathing. He was breathing, so why did it feel so bad? 

Richie put his other hand just below the base of Eddie's neck. He honestly didn't know he was doing. He was about as scared as Eddie. But Eddie needed him. Eddie needed to get rid of those last remnants of his mother, of Derry, and this was the strongest symbol of them. 

"Breathe in, Eddie. As deep as you can." 

Eddie struggled to start taking a deep breath. 

"You're safe, Eddie. Nothing bad is going to happen, Eddie. I love you, Eddie. Alright? In through the nose, Eddie." 

Eddie nodded and felt his lungs fill. The image of Mr. Keene's hand in his mind went away. His heart was still beating too fast, it still hurt, but he was getting some air. 

"Okay. Don't hold it in, Eddie. Breathe out." 

Eddie opened his mouth and breathed out. A few tears dripped into his mouth. He'd been crying so hard. Why was everything so difficult? Why was everything so intense in his head? 

Richie leaned his forehead down onto Eddie's. 

"Again, okay?" Richie breathed in loudly, and Eddie mimicked. The same with the out breath. 

Then they were in a rhythm. Breathing in and out together. Eddie closed his eyes and the world felt big again. It wasn't all sitting on his chest. 

A few more breaths and his heart was starting to get the idea.  _ Everything is okay.  _

They stayed there for a long time, breathing until Eddie felt the world was back on the proper axis. He was not going to die. He was fine. He was safe. He was loved.

He leaned up and kissed Richie. "Thank you." 

Richie's hand moved from Eddie's neck to his cheek. "I'm really proud of you, Eds." 

Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie. "I love you so much." 

"I love you too." He kissed the top of Eddie's head and rubbed his back as he held him. 

Eddie knew, he'd thought some pretty stupid things in his life, but thinking Richie would let anything bad happen to him- that was beyond unreasonable, as far as irrational thoughts went. 

"I'm gonna make you some tea, okay, Eds?" 

Eddie nodded. "Thank you." 

Richie whistled as he walked out of the room into the kitchen. And then Eddie knew what he was meant to be doing. 

It was just him and the inhaler. 

He walked over to it and picked it up. He turned it over in his hand. The old familiar feeling… but all the strings attached, all the lies, all the pain, that was what he needed to get rid of.

Eddie walked out of the apartment and into the hall. He walked until he saw the little metal door in the wall. 

He opened it up and stared down it. 

_ Now  _ that's  _ something Pennywise would pop out of.  _

But there was nothing. He stared and stared and there was nothing. Not even so much as a whisper from Betty. From  _ anyone.  _

_ It's just a garbage chute, Eddie.  _

He held his inhaler over it, then opened his hand. 

He watched it until the light was gone, listened to it skitter down the chute until there was silence. And he stared. 

He didn't feel- catharsis. He didn't feel like he won. He felt different, but he was still scared. He felt naked without it. 

He turned back and walked into the apartment, feeling hollow and strange. He sat down on the couch and stared at the wall. Why didn't it feel- why did it feel futile? 

It felt like something enormous and it felt like nothing at the same time. He'd thrown away his inhaler before. He just always ended up with another one… 

Richie, still whistling, came into the room with two mugs. He set them on the coffee table, then sat next to Eddie. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek. 

"I'm proud of you." 

Eddie realized, this was the crucial difference. This was his success. This was the accomplishment. Not getting rid of the inhaler, but being with someone who didn't tell him he needed it. 

Wounds don't heal overnight, but Eddie knew now, he finally had the right kind of treatment. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I was having a panic attack idk what to tell you. I couldn't breathe and we all know my mind moves in one direction, and that is The Losers Club. 
> 
> My song of the day is Loved Despite Great Faults by Blonde Redhead. 
> 
> Love you all!


End file.
